I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
