Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
