apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
