can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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