i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
