Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
