Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
