It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
