My nipple is on Facebook.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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