Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
