The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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