At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
