Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
