you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
