hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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