You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
