I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
