..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
