please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
