What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
