i may or may not be watching the land before time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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