I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's always time for handjobs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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