It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
two words: eviction party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
