'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
