Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
