no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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