This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
