I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
