i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My bed smells like the plague
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
