chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
