Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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