Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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