my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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