if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
