Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my being single is dangerous.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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