I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
