so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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