We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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