People with herpes should wear stickers.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
