yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
