Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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