I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
