I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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