Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
