I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think my vagina is haunted
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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