Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
