at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
