Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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