Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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