I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
