Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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